Reflection & Change

Reflection is a funny thing. So is change. People seem to be so afraid of both. Afraid to face reality. Afraid to accept that there is something that can be done to change their current situation.

Me, I’ve never really been afraid of change. Reflection and acceptance, oh yes. Having dealt with periods of depression, self-doubt and low self-esteem (like we all have), its often diffiuclt to accept that we are sad or maybe arent living the lives we should be. While we all have moments in life where we need to stop, relfect and change, whether it be ending a bad relationship or leaving a dead-end job, last year I found myself in a bit of a tricky situation where my body literally forced me to stop, reflect and apply change to all areas of my life.

Before going into the nitty gritty of my story, I must give you a bit of background to it all. After being diagnosed with Glandular Fever in 2007, my health has never been quite been right. Nothing major, I just always seemed to be sick. Whether it was viral infections, irritable bowel, leaky gut, low iron, depression, there always seemed to be something not right. Don’t get me wrong; I have had an amazing life so far. I graduated university with a bachelor’s degree, travelled the world, succeeded in the workplace and had a whole lot of fun. However in 2014, things took a toll on my body and things got a little more serious.

After quite a few stressful weeks (maybe months) of work, and the pure pressure of life that I soley put on myself (yes I take all of the blame) I found myself bedridden, unable to walk, fatigued and completelty deflated. At first I thought it was just the flu. I pushed through it, because I had to with work, and seemed to be ok. But after a while things started down spiralling again. I was constantly exhausted, my body weak, joints ached, senstive to light, headaches and just felt crap. After weeks of this and eventually time off work I knew something wasn’t right. It was then that I persued many doctors to find out the cause of it all. There had to be a medical reason for why my body was responding in such a way. I mean I was a young, fit, relatively healthy girl (besides the odd, ok regular sugar binges). I shouldn’t feel this bad for no reason. While there were concerns that it was a serious autoimmune disease, I thankfully was diganosed with something that while not curable, was certainly manageable and not life threatening. Fibroymalgia my rhemeutolgist called it. While the diganosis was tough, and quite confusing as I had never heard of Fibro (as I call it), there certainly was a sence of relief. Argh yes, I am not making this up like some people may think. The cause? Unknown. But infection and stress (internal and external) are what I believe to be a major factor in it all.

Whatever the diagnosis, I now look back and see it as though my body literally forced me to stop and revlualte my life and the way I chose to live. I best describe Fibromylgia as a musclo-skeltal disorder that causes widespread pain and fatigue. There is no cure, but is managed through medication (no thank you) and lifestyle (yes please). After quitting my corporate job, I now had time to really delve into understanding the condition and finding ways I could best manage it. Sure there were some ups and downs, and at times I felt I would never find the answer, but in the end I knew that I had to make some serious changes if I was going to live the life that I wanted.

I realised that the things I once thought I wanted: a six figure income, corporate career, luxurious home, footballer boyfriend & glamourous lifestyle was not the life I was supposed to lead, nor no longer wanted. I realised the things that made me happy, small simple things, like the sun, the beach, yoga, meditation, healthy foods, calm environment, real friendships, family and travel was what I was suppose to chase. For the first time in my life, my job title didn’t matter. I didn’t care if I was earning the big bucks, or owning the best clothes, all I really wanted was a life of health, happiness and balance. And that’s when I decided I would move back to the country, live by the coast, in an entirely new town, where I knew absolutely no one and try my best at a different kind of life.

Its been a few weeks now since I moved to the South West of Australia, where I am working in the hospitality industry, living with strangers (who now are great friends), meeting new people daily and completely out of my comfort zone. Away from the hussle and bussle of the city, where life is calm and I feel so relaxed that sometimes I feel like I am literally floating. Of course I still have my bad days, both physically and emotionally, but gosh they are getting fewer and fewer as the weeks go on. I have so much more clarity now and I don’t think I have ever been happier.

Everyone in life gets thrown curve balls in some way or another. We just have to take the time to acceprt them and stop. Stop. Reflect. And if neccesssary Change. I am sure I will have many more moment like this in life, but I sure am happy I listened to my body and mind and took the plunge into a new way of life.

#stop #reflect #change #life #live